I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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