If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
