i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
