just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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