i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
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Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
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does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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