pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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