just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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