you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
