he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
