You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
