Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I still have a little drunk in my system
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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