My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
