I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Alive.
So much puke
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
