the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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