Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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