I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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