mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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