I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
