Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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