Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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