The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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