I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
