youre lurking in front of me
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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