btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
