Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
