Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
