Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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