sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I have already put on my inside pants.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
