like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
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Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
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What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
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