He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
