my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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