Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
