I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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