Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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