Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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