420 ftw
Where is the hickey?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
