DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
