Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
