my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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