My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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