he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
