Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize