I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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