I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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