You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
