im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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