Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
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