Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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