ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My liver is preforming stress tests.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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