dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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