wat bout pragnant strippers??
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
