Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
