Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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