I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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