i just wanna soil my oats bro
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
