I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Vodka?
Forever.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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