my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
