Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
