direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
