i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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