If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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