Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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