Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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