i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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