The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
