I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
