If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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