She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
