I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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