there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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