Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
