You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
whose parrot is this?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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