she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
