she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
