Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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