no, he came in my armpit
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
