i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
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This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
So squirting runs in the family.
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How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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