Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
